View Full Version : Funny military quotes to live by!

09-06-2005, 03:01 PM
Great military quotes sent to me via a pal in Iraq:

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire
when you least expect it. That would make you quite
unpopular in what's left of your unit."
-Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"Aim towards the Enemy."
-Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
-U.S. Marine Corps Training Manual

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate.
The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
-USAF Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
-Infantry Journal

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over
the area you just bombed."
-U.S. Air Force Manual

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
-Infantry Journal

"Tracers work both ways."
-U.S. Army Ordnance

"WARNING: Five second fuses last three seconds."
-Infantry Journal

"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't
ever volunteer to do anything."
-U.S. Navy Swabbie

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
-David Hackworth

"If your attack seems to be going too well, you're
walking into an ambush."
-Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
-Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper ... once."

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
-Unknown Marine Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
-Anonymous U.S. Marine Corps Drill Instructor

"If you see an Explosive Ordinance Technician running,
try to keep up with him."

"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death...
I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."
-Sign at the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base, Kadena, Japan

"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."
-Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)

"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
-Anonymous USAF Flight Instructor

"There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky."
-From an old carrier sailor

"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage,
it's probably a helicopter -and therefore, its
inherently unsafe."

"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane
you always have enough power left to get you
to the scene of the crash."

"Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another
expensive flying club."

"There is a similarity between air traffic controllers
and pilots. If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies.
If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies."
-Unknown Pilot Survivor of Aircraft Crash

"Never trade luck for skill."
-Anonymous Carrier Pilot

The four most common expressions (or famous last words)
in aviation are:
"Why is it doing that?"
"Tower, how much too low am I on the fin..."
"Where are we?"
"Oh S...!"

"Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."

"We had some real progress in airline flying:
now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant."

"Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always
needed to successfully complete the flight."

"A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck;
three in a row is prevarication."
-Wilbur Wright to his first flight school student

"I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous."

"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"

"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your
plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding
or doing anything about it."

"When a flight is proceeding incredibly well,
something was forgotten."

"Just remember, if you crash because of weather,
your funeral will be held on a sunny day."

Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a prang (crash)
seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object
in the vicinity as slow and gently as possible."

"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world;
it can just barely kill you."
-Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

"A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't
flying his plane to its maximum."
-Jon McBride, astronaut

"If you're faced with a forced landing,
fly the thing as far into the crash as possible."
-Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot)

"Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."

"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."
-Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ,

"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air.
Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air
can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea,
trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."

"You know that your landing gear is up and locked
when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."

The test pilot was climbing out of the experimental aircraft,
having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing.
The crash truck arrived, and the rescuer sees a
bloodied pilot and asked, "What happened?"
The pilot replied: "I don't know, I just got here myself!"
-Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)